No Greater Love: 3 Heroes from Aurora

(As posted at Austin Catholic New Media:)

When I was sixteen, I had a boyfriend. My young heart was madly in love. I had also spent some time reading the Bible, inspired by my Baptist friends. One day, I came across this verse:

“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  John 15:13

In a fit of romanticism, I wrote it out on a pretty piece of paper and gave it to him. “I love you this much!” I said. He looked at me like I was crazy. We were an emotional dicotomy (as most 16 year olds are) and the relationship fizzled over time.

But, that verse came into mind again today, as I read the news story of three brave men who gave their lives for their loves in the Aurora movie theater shooting: Jon Blunk, Matt McQuinn and Alex Teves.

I do not like to pontificate on national tragedies. I do not like to blow things up into grandiose ideas or gloss over horrible deaths to make a point. I am not trying to do that here. I am, however, profoundly touched by what these men did for their loves. In a split second, without thinking twice, they threw their bodies on top of their girlfriends, cramming them under seats, pushing them down, and taking the bullets to preserve their lives. They did not contemplate. They did not consider the consequences. They did not take one more look at the girl’s face to decide if she was worth it. Instead, they were all-in and shielded the ones they loved from definitive horror.

I do not know these couples from Adam.  From their photographs, they look like any young couple I might see around this college town. One decked out in formal attire, one couple in swimsuits smiling on a rocky ocean shore and another posing in front of a webcam, numerous piercings decorating their faces. I don’t know what kind of relationships they had, if they held the door open for their ladies, if they said please and thank you or had promising careers. I do know that they did not hesitate to do the good thing.

This gives me hope.

In the midst of such strange horror, God does allow a little peak of light. In the midst of so much confusion and sadness many are asking why, those three girls are still in shock, and so many are hurting. But, I think it’s okay for us to take a glimpse at this little light of goodness and consider it for just a moment.

What more random sampling of people can America pull together than a group going to the premiere of a Batman movie. Really? A nice selection of the American public, all in one room, enjoying their free time. And then one walks in to shatter everything. We have tears. We have confusion. We have anger. We have questions about society, about reality, about media, about safety. But we also have this grand bravery left behind.

Life is not perfect. These men were probably not perfect. Our world is not perfect. People struggle to make the right choices, fight to keep jobs, to make relationships work, to find love. And sometimes, it seems that today’s society makes attaining these things even harder than it used to be.
But, I’m forever an optimist. I refuse to think that it is all over. I’m not a quitter. And these men show me that I’m not alone. We really do want what is good. We really do want to be brave. We really do want to have someone save us. Or save someone else, at all cost. Don’t we?

I pray for all those victims who lost their lives. I pray for those who mourn. I pray that we all, in our gut, without a moment’s hesitation, will have that courage to love with all we have.

“No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13

This verse was read as the Gospel at my wedding. My true love meant it with all his heart. And today I know three men who lived it.

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And I Find Myself Smirking at God

Does your child ever do something so witty and surprising that you just shake your head and let a smirk creep across your face?

My son cracked out with a clever quip last week and I just burst out laughing. I don’t often burst out into anything.

I like that feeling.

Over the past few weeks I have found my self smirking at God. Shaking my head once again. Surprised at myself for being surprised. That He loves me.

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I'm not afraid anymore

I've just realized it. Just now.

I've been sitting here at my computer, attempting to design a stunning website for a client, listening to my two little girls (ages 4 and 6) playing in the living room next to me.

They were playing 'Getting Married'. This entails pretending to put make up on, going dancing and finding a husband. They ask the imaginary men if they think they're pretty. They decide if they like the imaginary guy and then run off with a towel over their hair for an impromptu wedding in the entry way.

I sat here, looking out the window laughing at them.

I just smiled and laughed and tried to watch them without being caught, because that would end the game, of course.

See, several years ago, I would have stopped the game.  I would have told them that they shouldn't be thinking about getting married... you're just little girls, right?! This is a very serious thing.  I would have asked them why they were worried if a guy thought they were pretty. Inner beauty is much more important. And, it takes a long time to find a husband. This just isn't something we play at, girls.


(I'll pause here while you laugh at me...)

But, that was several years ago.

Because I was paranoid.

I've always had an overwhelming desire to have what is good for my children. I want them to be Catholic, moral, holy, discerning.  I want them to choose good spouses. I want them to go to heaven. And, I guess in my ignorance as a young mother, I thought I could 'force' those things by creating a certain environment. By reading only certain books, watching only certain kinds of shows, by playing only certain kinds of games. More impressively, by what we wouldn't do.  What we wouldn't hear, see, discuss or pretend. If I guarded them against anything and everything that could possible open a path to something wayward, then nothing bad could ever happen, right? I could control it. Yes.

I needed to control because I was so afraid. Afraid that they'd be like me. That they'd make stupid decisions. That they'd get hurt and hurt others. That they'd be selfish and worldly and not listen to the Lord speaking in their hearts. Goodness sake, I can't have THAT. None of it. They'd be lost forever. And what would my friends think?

Then, at Easter Vigil this year, I realized something big. Big for me, at least. God got me anyway. Despite myself. Despite my weaknesses (of which there are many), despite my insecurities and obsessions. Despite my temptations, my past, my worldliness. He caught me and let me fall in love with his Church. If He can do that for me, with no lectures or cautionary tales before each life decision, then He can do that for others, surely?

And then, something else has helped. Having older children. I see in them a heart and a conscience that I could not have molded. I see them making choices that impress me. I see them wondering about people and how they act. I see them discussing the Church and her teachings and seeing the bigger picture behind them. I see them choosing friends that are children I admire greatly. I see them naturally seeking the good and turning away from the bad. And this gives me great hope.

Don't worry. I'm not walking away. I'll still fret, I'm sure. I'll still pray for them. I'll still teach our Faith and discuss life with them. But, not out of fear.  Rather, I'll do all these things out of hope. Because I know it's true and good. I see their little souls leaning toward the truth like my houseplant that leans awkwardly toward the window in the kitchen. It'll do anything for a little light.

If He can catch me, He can catch just about anyone. I'm not afraid.

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a Holy Thursday that feels like any other day.

I suffer from the torment of high expectations.

I woke up this morning, Holy Thursday morning, knowing that it is my favorite feast. Knowing that it is filled with stunning memories of my conversion, of special friends, of wafts of overwhelming incense, of priests laying themselves on the carpet before the altar, of walking through the dark in procession singing ancient hymns, of hours kneeling on a linoleum floor praying late into the night in front of the Real Presence with tears running down my face.

And I rolled over and put 15 more minutes on my alarm. Just didn't want to do it today. I alternated through breakfast with my four children, "It's Holy Thursday, the day Jesus created the Mass!" with "If you don't like Cinnamon Life cereal then you just aren't a very thankful kid. Maybe you can make breakfast next week for everyone!"

Such loveliness coming out of me.

on this day.

that I love so much.

I took my older kids to school and came home and sat in the red chair in the living room and watched my 4 year old peruse a picture book Can You Find Jesus? A holy derivation of Where's Waldo.

And I thought that was pretty amusing.

I looked at her young face, her smooth round cheeks and the curl of her blond hair under her chin. The way her eyes searched the page, so blue and big. Her almost red eyelashes. Such beauty. And I was filled with this overpowering love. I so want to do right by her. Please, Lord.

So what is wrong with me, where my memories and aspirations have to scale this colossal wall of my stubbornness? I cannot get there. To that place where I can sit back and sigh with joy that I'm finally "doing it right". I feel the disadvantage of being a convert, of not having these traditions ingrained in me. Of my laziness, maybe.  I feel completely inadequate. What does He think He's doing, giving these four kids to me?

Then, I wonder, were those days I remember really that stunning in real time? Or, was it only later that I recall their significance? Can I really create or fabricate that, or is just all a gift?

Am I just coming up with excuses?

Can Jesus overcome me today, undo my mistakes, and make His impact. Is it enough for me to rely on the Church to do this job? It has for so many generations. The Church did it for me. The Church alone. I had no one hovering over me, pointing me, reminding me, redirecting me. I had the Church, the priests, the Mass, the Triduum.

I pray for my children. Maybe that is all I can do today. I do not feel inspiring. I do not have any touching crafts up my sleeve. I do not have a homemade Seder meal ready in the fridge. Maybe next year. There's always next year, right?

This year I will just love. I will pray. I will take them to live with the Church these three Holy Days. And, I hope, someday when they look back, they will have found Jesus, right here in the midst of all my sloppiness.

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Novena for Kathy Amish

Don't know what a novena is? Read this...

Novena and Litany for Complete Healing and Recovery from ovarian cancer for

Kathryn Elizabeth Amish

Our friend, child, mother, wife and beloved child of God

Dear Jesus, 

We offer our prayers up to you for Kathy. We know she is your precious child and that you hold her in the palm of your hand during this time of trial. We ask you to protect her, strengthen her, give her joy, peace, strength and perseverance. We ask that you bless her family and friends to know the ways to help and encourage her and her family. We ask that you inspire and enlighten her doctors and surgeons. We pray that you give them wisdom, clarity of mind, and steadiness of hand. We thank you for the gift of Kathy, David, Abby and Gavin. We thank you for the opportunity to see your hands at work in her healing and recovery!

We ask our dear friends, the saints, to pray for her as well. Dearest friends in heaven, we know that your pure hearts are full of love for all of us. And when we ask for your help, you are ready and eager to be at our side. Like St. Therese of Lisieux, all of you want to “spend your heaven doing good on earth.”

So dear holy friends in heaven, we call upon you to join us and storm heaven with your prayers for our friend Kathy!

St. Catherine of Siena

St. Elizabeth Anne Seton

St. Thomas Aquinas

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Cancer Patients

St. Aldegundis

St. Ezekiel Moreno

St. Giles

St. James Salomone

St. Peregrine Laziosi

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of hospitals 

St. Camillus of Lellis

St. Elizabeth of Hungary

St. Erhard of Regensburg

St. John of God

St. Jude Thaddeus

St. Vincent de Paul

response: pray for us

Patron Saint of Illness

St. Therese of Lisieux

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Doctors, Physicians & Surgeons 

St. Cosmas,

St. Damian,

St. Luke the Apostle,

St. Pantaleon,

St. Raphael the Archangel

St. Foillan

St. Roch

St. Gerard Majella

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Nurses 

St. Camillus de Lellis,

St. John of God,  

St. Agatha

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Parenthood 

St. Adelaide

St. Clotilde

St. Ferdinand III of Castille

St. Louis IX

St. Rita of Cascia

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Motherhood & Mothers 

St. Anne

St. Gerard Majella

St. Monica

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Families 

St. Francis of Assisi

St. Joseph

St. Maximillian Kolbe

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of family happiness and harmony

St. Dymphna

St. Ksenya Blazhennaya

response: pray for us

Patron Saint of Fathers 

St. Joseph

St. Joachim

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Children 

St. Gerard Majella

St. Maria Goretti

St. Nicholas of Myra

St. Philomena

St. Raymond Nonnatus

St. Solange

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Boys 

St. Dominic Savio

St. John Bosco

St. Nicholas of Myra

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Girls 

St. Agnes of Rome

St. Blandina

St. Catherine of Alexandria

St. Irene

St. Maria Goretti

response: pray for us

Patron Saint of Married Women, Wives 

St. Monica

response: pray for us

Patron Saints of Pilots, Flyers

St. Joseph of Cupertino

St. Our Lady of Loreto

St. Therese of Lisieux

response: pray for us

Patron Saint of Married Couples 

St. Joseph

response: pray for us

Patron Saint of Friendships 

St. John the Apostle

response: pray for us

Mother Mary, Our Lady of Guadalupe, Queen of families, Queen of Peace, Health of the sick, Cause of our joy, Virgin most powerful, Our Lady of Good Remedy, Our Lady of Hope, Morning star,  Refuge of sinners, Comforter of the afflicted, Help of Christians, Queen of angels, Immaculate Heart… Pray For Us

Official prayer to ask favors through the intercession Pope John Paul II

O Blessed Trinity, we thank you for having graced the church with Pope John Paul II and for allowing the tenderness of your fatherly care, the glory of the cross of Christ, and the splendor of the Holy Spirit, to shine through him. Trusting fully in your infinite mercy and in the maternal intercession of Mary, he has given us a living image of Jesus the Good Shepherd, and has shown us that holiness is the necessary measure of ordinary Christian life and is the way of achieving eternal communion with you. Grant us, by his intercession, and according to your will, the graces we implore, hoping that he will soon be numbered among your saints. Amen.

Dearest Savior and Divine Physician,

We offer these prayers up to you in complete confidence. We know that you love us beyond measure. We know that you hold our every need in the palm of your hand. Hear our prayers now, for the complete healing and recovery of Kathy Amish, and answer them, in your great mercy.

AMEN.

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